I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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