his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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