cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize