there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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