Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize