a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize