i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize