Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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