SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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