she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
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I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
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I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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