Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
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The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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