the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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