I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize