If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You are a genius and a whore.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize