I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize