I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
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We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
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If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
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