just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize