if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize