You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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