I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize