i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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