she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
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Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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