fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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