dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize