She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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