im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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