I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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