dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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