Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize