There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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