Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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