When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
high people should be assigned attendants
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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