I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize