Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
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In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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