I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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