Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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