im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize