he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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