I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i dont even know how to be here
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he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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