I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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