Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
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If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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