Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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