I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
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I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
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