I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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