Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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