He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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