Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
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Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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