Say something about gay babies.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize