Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
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I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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