Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
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I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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