ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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