Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i came on her dog
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We left the knife in your bed.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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